Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
