I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
