hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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