you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
