Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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