During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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