I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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