The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
