I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
