The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
