I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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