i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
