The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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