What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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