Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
