I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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