You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
