why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
