This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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