went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
