You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
