I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
