i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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