i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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