I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
