Say something about gay babies.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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