My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
