I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
