Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
