Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
