when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
