I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
