Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
