I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
