I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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