Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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