My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
