There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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