Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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