i need an iv and a liver transplant
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Say something about gay babies.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
