she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
whose ass print is on the piano?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
