Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
