tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize