He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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