remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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