Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm always down for nudity.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
