The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have tasted many bathrooms
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
