so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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