the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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