I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize