i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize