Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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