Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
