it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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