you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
