You can't special order awesome
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
