Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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