I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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