I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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