Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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