obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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