Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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