Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
