I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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