i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
