Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
