just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
